i am afraid, happy.

Life since this January has been the biggest change I have ever felt. I have turned into someone i never thought of.

 Happy..? I don't know. Sad..? Definitely NOT.

I had felt and lived that overrated 'LONELY' life for sometime now, never knew it was so awesome :)

There are some people i have missed badly all through this while. And i am only going to miss them more, as i know there is NO looking back.

I some how now have a despaired and this Slain look. No, I didn't invite dark circles, i didn't wanted to lose weight. But its all done.  :)

I have a body minus soul, which is cracking abruptly.

This is what makes me 'afraid'. 

Living life this way, was never so much fun before. 

My room has kilos of smoke by 4 in the morning, and believe me, by God, it looks amazing.

 There is now a scratch in the head, when i think of a better life (the one i am living now)

who's to plan, my plan of the plans..?
who's to decide that this life i lead is dead, or alive..?

I am so much happy, that i have no one to lead me. This is what it is to 'live your life, your way'.

'No one can define, your wrongs and your rights.

No one can define, your Wars, your fights!'

I guess one life is all i have, and i'll live it the way i believe in living it.

But to sacrifice and live without your own avowal, is a fate worst than dying.

And so i know a place i need to be, 

where it is not wrong, to live sinfully! 

I am finally moving out to Bombay, having keys to my own Flat.
(That is the place i need to be, where it is not wrong to live sinfully)

Pun intended indeed ;)
and this is what makes me happy. 

I will continue living this life (since january wali) :D

Kaan Ke Parde Mein Ched! :(

I am deaf with one ear, it hurts!
the proverb - 'Ek kaan se suno, aur doosre se nikalo' works no longer for me. :(
only if the operation (which may/may not happen)  goes well, i shall be hearing you properly.

what could have been right..?

'They Push me away from what could have been right..?'

Sadly, twp people could not 'Kill' it forever, and now that i did, it could have been right..? :)

A 'Love Triangle' may sound cool no doubts, but is a bore in real. Sorry, for i could not maintain the triangle.

Oh, and i guess i will take admission in a B.B.A section IN AMITY (you know its hard to leave my college), and never give time to my loved ones.

Crux - If two people can remain the same, so can I.

:)

I saw her today, with naman and i guess(gaurav).
and then i felt saying 'HI' to Shashank!

So, Hi shashank, how are you..?
Shashank - i am good brother (as usual)

and the lines goes dead!

:)

Can i go fuck on my own..? [[Stay Away]]

True, i am irritated.

And i guess walking away would be the best. Not that i am a coward, but i want to. People i know, sadly Suck!
(except few of the very few).

I hate to see things i am seeing now. With a mountain top of happiness, and a vertical drop of sorrows, this is it!

I now want things and people MY WAY. 

I will fake with perfection, with a smile on face. But i will bitch inside of how ugly your character is(when i meet you).

I don't feel like meeting you all now, not a bit. 

Alright, i promise i will not. (So you run lucky, i will not bitch about you now) 

i will never say i love you, and don't want to hear in return of how much you do. 

This belief of ' There is no such GOD' is helping me in a way. I never did, never will. GOD is only a 'character' for me, who thinks to be a smart ass. No Comments, but i shall have the better ass one day.

P.S - 

Fuck Dog!-(God)

Fuck You- Family, Friends.(subtract some)

Almost in ALL conversations [Not Just the Last]!

Boy - Hey, please baby, never talk to 'him', for it will ONLY create something bad.
Girl - i will NEVER talk to him, no matter what.

(Same)Boy - i came to know that you are talking to him, for the past few months.
(Same)Girl - Yes i am, and i didn't tell you, because you would never understand.


Last Conversation:
She said - But I still love you.
He said - I really need to go and smoke.


As if i was left with options. Atleast this soul smokes a non-living (a cigarette).
Unlike some people, who smoke the 'present' and the 'Ex' together! 


P.S -  He - Jatin.
         She - His dream girl.
         Him - His dream girl's Ex.




and now i DO need to go puff again! :)

You, have made my soul bleed. There was a time when my body only showered tears. Tears of grief, of loud emotional utterance! I was pushed back and strapped. Fearing the unknown future, I wasn't able to accept what was happening to me. I never protested against all the wrongs you did to me, casing my weakness for you. I believed in you..i always did! I had submitted to the most outrageous and humiliating demands, proving my faith for you. But what the fuck was i really thinking..? were you a goddess, a divinity or a supernatural being..? No..i get it here..you were a worldly bitch, an acquisitive and covetous bitch!

But time has now healed my wounds. Only after your judgement i was able to judge myself i my light.. of what life has been around me. it wasn't good at all.. even a bit. i screwed my education, my family, but i won't regret. It was indeed you who educated me my dear! because of you, i now know in whom to trust. your actions have been my best lecturer. With you i have shared some of the sad moments, to one of the saddest ever!Right--no happiness! I almost killed myself. But now i am free,as free as a bird. You gave me strength and my very own identity. 
I have known now when to fight for what i hold true, even against my near and dear. what happens to you is non of my concern now, for i have learned how to not care about people. At this friday night, I make a resolution.I will not acknowledge this hurt any more. I will never tell anyone, even myself that i have had a knife in my chest. It is as much part of me as the heart itself.

Yes.. i am beyond you now and there is nothing good left to burn!