no title to this

"We don’t understand why you are upset. If you decide to change your mind, let us know"…  

It really does feel great to not be dealing with them. For years now, they’ve been extremely manipulative and hurtful. Their sick mind games have always left me feeling as though I was the wrong one, the problem, the idiot so to speak. Their horrible favoritism for “things” so blatantly in my face has always made me feel so lame for not reacting. Everyone sees it. Everyone knows it. And everyone probably secretly wonders why I take it. Well, I’m not. And it feels great. It feels powerful to have taken charge of my feelings and life and how I deal with them. I’m no longer bungee corded to their whims of emotion. I don’t have to let them puppet string me into whatever way they want me to act or feel about something. I get to act and feel how I want. I’m a good person and I need no lessons in how to act ridiculously horrible. I also don’t have to deal with how unbelievably unsupportive they are of me. This is the best part. See, I never realized this before, but there is a huge difference between being unsupportive and not being a part of the “portive” structure in the first place. SUPportive, we all know and want. Supportive is happy. Supportive makes perfect sense and doesn’t need further explanation. UNSUPportive also speaks for itself. Its dark. Its painful sometimes but without it, we would all be flailing about like 2 year olds. It keeps a balance to the world. It steers us towards the right and away from the wrong. (most of the time) But not even being portive…this is something I have control over. I make the rules on who is even allowed in the circle of portive. I decide how I feel about these people. To put it another way, people that don’t even matter to me really aren’t portive because even if they do have an opinion, it doesnt’ hold much weight. We don’t make decisions based on what people outside the circle of portive want because their feelings and opinions do not matter. Now this does not mean that any time someone doesn’t support your views you should remove them from the circle. That’s a dangerous move that can launch you into a world much like Britney Spears. Not good. But people that become rather toxic inside the circle, that fester in there, and thrive on bad behavior, these people can sometimes do with a launching well outside the circle. So unsupportive vs. not even portive. I never realized the difference before. But wow. What a huge difference it is. What a great lesson. Someday they may make it back into the circle of portive, but I’ll expect far more begging and probably a little bribery before we get there.  
my family..

transparency through this opaque world..!

we are not just black or white; often, we are shades of gray. We can not just be one thing or the other. Often, we are both.

Dynamic, evolving… that’s what we humans are. Never static, never the same. Like clouds, we continually move across the continuum that is our life.

Definitely, we are not just a single snapshot. Not even a series of snapshots. But most people think we are. How many times have we heard the comment, “You’ve changed!” with a tinge of surprise as if we were supposed to stay the same forever?

Indeed, it would be great if we were gifted with the ability to see each of us as we really are; to understand our depths, to appreciate both what is inside and outside of each of us.

But humans have limitations. They only see what they want to see. Sometimes, they just see the good. At other times, only the bad. Often, they do not see both. And, on rare occasions that they do, they find it hard to understand the tangled dichotomies that make up each person.

Humans are multi-faceted, multi-dimensional, but with very limited view of the things around them. Often, they do not see the whole picture, and cannot dig deep to fathom what’s inside other people. They see only what they want to see, or what they think they are seeing. Unfortunately, too, they are quick to make conclusions based solely on their perceptions, which are very limited to begin with. So they see others as all-beautiful or all-good, then be shocked to find later on that the others too have weaknesses of their own. The reverse is also true. Sometimes, people are sure that one is bad through and through, not knowing that that person is simply misunderstood.

If only everyone could look at a single thing and be able to look at it in its entirety and view it from every angle possible, then what a better existence we would have. And if only we try to understand every aspect of a thing first, before we make conclusions, then how much easier life on earth would be..!

what sweeter reVenge thAn forgiveness..!

to forgive someone doesn't mean condoning their actions. it just means absolving yourself of the Hurt and pain and getting back control over your life and emotions..!

forgiveness is in fact the sweetest form of rEvenGe !

you don't forgive for another; you do it for yourself..to come to terms with emotions and to attempt a closure on an episode that refuses to let go of you..!

forgiving someone is the best way of stepping neatly out of that time zone and ensuring that " tHEy ", rather than you, suffer the fall-out of the episode..!

" Forgiving is not forgetting, and neither should it be. because if we forget, we open ourselves again to same kind of hurt "

sTep BacK & viEw..!

when the world closes in on u and ur head seems ready to burst, are u the type who caves in ? are u the kind of person who fights back ferociously, blindly striking out in all directions ? or, do u strategise, step back and wait for ur part of the world to set itself right again ?

 

The pain of a moment, though deadening in its intensity, is but one blip when viewed on the larger canvas of LifE..!

Distances end up taking so much of us.... we want it or we don't. At the end of the day we might sit up in our bed alone, thinking about how life has shaped up, thinking what gave direction to the day that just swept away. But the crux remains.

It is not the miles that separate us, the moments do it all the more. More than what we thought they even could. It is only when our heart wishes to relive the moments, we realise the intensity of the the distances that separate us. "Mental or physical".. Immaterial. 

What matters more is the fact that the moments face the brunt of the life that we have lived.
 

The moments cry for all the disputes that remained unsolved..!

“I am a part of all that I have met.” As time goes on, all of these new dots ( people ) keep popping up into this matrix of my life. Some people start out on the fringes, and slowly work their way towards the center, becoming more and more influential, not in a direct and obnoxious way, but just in the way that everybody makes a million tiny adjustments in their behavior when we spend time with someone. 
Other people, those rare individuals, simply pop up and immediately they are integral, in a way you can’t describe very well, but in a way you simply know. One’s not better than the other, they simply exert influence in a different way.

Everyone I have met has left a part of themselves in me; their voices are in my head, though I can’t tell them apart. 

The I of myself is unique.I am not only part of all that I have met; everything I have met is a part of me, and in that neverending and unknowable process of social alchemy, I am formed in every moment of every day..!

mE and my goodbye'S !

In my experiences with “goodbyes,” I have accepted a definition in understanding the reason for goodbyes. Goodbyes are endings to new beginnings.From the moment we let go of a person or event and say “farewell,” a second later, we are thinking differently or making different plans that are new to our lives.I begin to question why it is hard to say “goodbye” knowing in my mind that new life experiences will be the result.

Often times the newness is good and beneficial. I think that maybe it is hard to say goodbye because I’m a creature of habit. So, as it is hard to break a habit, it is hard to say goodbye to the “normal” or expected. My life has changed so much already, as a result, of many goodbyes, and as I look back, I do not regret any of my choices. 

I should think more about the new choices more then the goodbye itself. I’m a stronger person because of my ability to build from my choices. 

I’m beginning to understand the it is not the various choices I could have made, but the choices I am making from my “goodbyes” that mean more to my life. today I look in the mirror…I am happy, and I am not lonely..!